Haven’t you ever felt lost? Like your floating your life away, or like your walking in path that has no end and no definite direction. And the weirdest thing is that you have a map, you know exactly what you have to do, where you have to go but you can’t seem to actually do it. Why? What is so scary?
This is sort of the way I’m feeling lately; I feel I have no true mission in life. I know I’m in the process of becoming a single mother by choice; in fact I’m in my second try of an artificial insemination process. At first I thought that since I was so incredibly sad, the first time around when I found out that I wasn’t pregnant, that id only make sense not to get exited during my second try just in case in doesn’t work out. But then I honestly look inside me, and I guess I have had this feeling on numbness for quite a while now. I know I have to exercise; it’s the only way to keep your body healthy and active, I know I should study more, education is becoming a more challenging field every day and my kids could get a lot more than what I give them, I know I should read more on coaching, I think I can be really good at it, and it would make a good career project that I can work on while I still work at my school. I know all these things and more, but I choose or I let my numbness choose for me not to do anything about it. I choose not to discover fun and different things to do. Why I choose to do nothing is where I loose myself even more. Why am I so afraid of leaving my comfort zone? At what point in my life did I stop taking risks, working hard? What am I so afraid for?
The crazy thing is that I know I can do a good job, I know I’m destined for greatness, hec I know I can be freaking awesome, but I choose not be. I’m conscious of this fact, but still do nothing.
This is not a very optimistic post, let be real, it’s a negative post, but to be truthful I think I may be afraid of being optimistic. I will stop writing and I will indulge my numbness for a few more days, but I will try my best to get out it, to start changing, to acknowledge the fact that I have dreams, and that all I need is to start doing and kick my numbness butt. Let’s see where it goes.
abbieperez 